MD and Chef Team - The Show!

Have the Love You Deserve w/ Riana Milne

May 23, 2022 Dr. Isabel MD & Culinary Nutrition Expert Chef Michael Season 3 Episode 11
MD and Chef Team - The Show!
Have the Love You Deserve w/ Riana Milne
Show Notes Transcript

✅  In this episode, Dr. Isabel MD interviews Riana Milne, Certified, Global Life, Love Trauma Recovery & Mindset Coach, a Cert. Clinical Trauma & Addictions Professional, a #1 Bestselling author, the Host of her Podcast called Lessons in Life & Love™, an Educational Speaker, and a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for over 22 years living in Palm Beach County, Florida.

🔷 Riana loves helping her clients to break toxic behavior patterns and holistically decrease anxiety and depression while increasing self-esteem and confidence. Singles learn the exact skills to be successful in attracting and keeping an emotionally healthy, evolved and conscious partner.

🔷 Couples go from toxic to terrific by learning communication and other skills to increase love, trust, fun, and intimacy.

🔷 Riana has VIP clients and offers online virtual group coaching for singles and couples at the

⏬    Download and Listen to the Full Story!   

   Get Riana's Free Gift "Have the Love You Deserve" e-book;     

➥  Where listeners can find
more Free Resources, Take the 4 Free Love Tests, and learn more about Riana;

            ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ ➖ 

💎 How to Support the Mission of the MD and Chef Team Show?

💎 1. Be a Hero and tell a friend and loved one about the MD and Chef Team podcast. They will surely thank you. 

💎 2.  Join the Free & Private "Women's Brain Health" Community on Facebook. This is where we do weekly coaching sessions and have a community that inspires each other to be better in brain health and life. It's FREE and Private!

💎 3. For daily insights, inspiration, and behind the scenes action, follow us on Instagram and Facebook; just look for Doctoronamission (Dr. Isabel MD)

💎 4. Apple users, please subscribe and review our show on Apple podcasts, we read them all. 
Android users, subscribe to our show on Google podcasts. Subscribers never miss any of the action!

Support the show

(0s): Coming up on this episode of the MD and chef team show,

Speaker 1 (8s): We'll hear people say, I feel like I'm disassociated from my body, or I feel like I'm always looking out here at myself, interacting in a scene. You know, I never feel really happy. They seem to be missing bliss or joy. You know, they don't laugh very often. They pretend to be very serious people. A lot of my women are very successful in business, but struggle in love and they can't figure out why.

Speaker 0 (33s): Hello. I'm Dr. Isabel. Hey, thank you for joining us today. A little bit about myself. I'm a family practice doctor who has specialized in functional medicine. And if you're not familiar with functional medicine, we get to the root cause of people's unwellness. My passion because of my story. And my practice is to help women overcome anxiety and depression by optimizing their brain health so that they can live feel and be their best and to compliment our mission here.

Speaker 2 (1m 8s): Hi, I'm chef Michael Isabel's husband and certified culinary nutrition expert at doctor on a mission. And we are the MD and chef team. And I bridge the gap between nutrition and brain health.

Speaker 0 (1m 22s): If you would like to work with us, come check us Now that's doctors, D O C T O R, and we can set up a chat to see how we can best serve you.

Speaker 2 (1m 42s): We invite you to subscribe to this podcast

Speaker 0 (1m 45s): And now let's get on with the show. Hi Rihanna. How are you doing

Speaker 1 (1m 52s): Great. Great. It's good to see you. Thanks for having me today.

Speaker 0 (1m 57s): You know, welcome. I love your backdrop.

Speaker 1 (1m 59s): Florida's awesome. Another beautiful day in paradise. Can't complain.

Speaker 0 (2m 4s): Oh my gosh. Hey, after the podcast, how bout if we jump onto the, the, the yacht back there and just take off

Speaker 1 (2m 11s): Like that? Yeah. Yeah. That was sitting in St. Bart's. It's actually pitcher from St. Bart's when I was on vacation there.

Speaker 0 (2m 17s): Oh, nice. Nice. Now you're in Florida right now, right?

Speaker 1 (2m 21s): I am Palm beach county.

Speaker 0 (2m 23s): How's the weather.

Speaker 1 (2m 25s): Awesome. We have two seasons spring and summer. I don't care if I see another snowflake in my life. Good summer.

Speaker 0 (2m 35s): I totally get that. I am so over winter.

Speaker 1 (2m 39s): Yeah. It's hard. I used to live up north and both I'm from Philly and then Jersey shore and Erie, PA. That was difficult.

Speaker 0 (2m 48s): Erie, PA Yon from Washington DC. So yeah, we know, we know winters

Speaker 1 (2m 53s): Is massive snow storms. Yeah.

Speaker 0 (2m 55s): Yeah. People don't know how to drive in the snow.

Speaker 1 (2m 60s): No. Being in Florida was a childhood goal of mine. I always knew I would be here one day, so I should've come since

Speaker 0 (3m 9s): Chase him down your dreams. But if I go, how about if I go ahead and introduce you to our listeners

Speaker 1 (3m 15s): Here?

Speaker 0 (3m 16s): Sounds good. All right. Cool. Hi everyone. I'm Dr. Isabel medical doctor here at the MD and chef team, and we have Rihanna, Milton, and I want to share with you a little bit about her story, and she's going to go ahead and expand more on it, but I am so excited about having her here because she has the passion to help millions of people around the world. And I know she is doing that and she will continue to do that. So Rihanna states that our past defines our present, even mildly traumatic events can shape your story.

Rihanna. Who's a certified global life dating and relationship coach. And the number one bestselling author of two books. The first book is called love beyond your dreams. And the second book is live beyond your dreams and an expert on dealing with trauma helps one overcome with fearful negative mindsets to tap into their personal power and positive ness and conscious mindsets for success in both life and love relationships.

I love that so many people get hooked up in that, you know, and just stuck in that place with close to 90%. This blew me away. 90% of adults experiencing adverse childhood events. Rihanna clearly explains how emotional triggers from the past can clearly influence our reactions and behaviors as adults often sabotaging self-confidence and happiness in all areas of life. She believes that we all come from an element of childhood trauma wow.

And how we can handle that is vital for our relationships. Welcome Brianna. I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 1 (5m 9s): Thank you. Actually, in 2021, the stats are 100% of us have experienced childhood traumas. And I'll go into today, the top 10 and most experience from three to about five to six.

Speaker 0 (5m 23s): Actually that was my question. Number one is, can you tell us the 10, most common childhood traumas that impact our adult lives? Because this is a door that's just opening up in the world and in medical school, I was never taught about this. So I'm so glad you're talking about it.

Speaker 1 (5m 39s): This is so true. I mean, I've a triple master's in psychology. I'm a licensed mental health counselor. We didn't hear the term childhood trauma once. So many clients that come to me say I've been in therapy with seven therapists or for six years. And I haven't learned anything of what I learned in the first hour of working with you. So I was led into it by, you know, a personal love trauma. And the comments that my ex said to me was, I don't know why I sabotage everything I love. And I said, I don't know, either as my mind is scrolling through the, DSM-IV trying to figure out what does he have in the psychotherapist manual there that I had at the time.

And there was nothing to explain it. So that's when I needed the help and I needed to heal. So I did the research on my own in 2012, I did develop the childhood trauma checklist way before I saw the ACE test, which surprised me because when I saw the adverse childhood events, tests are desperate, very different, but mine was based on working many years with kids of trauma. I was in the schools with kids who are emotionally upset from kindergarten all the way through college. I worked at every grade level.

Those from a mental health ward for kids ages five through 19 and a drug and alcohol facility for teenagers and even working with women from the prison system. So I took their trauma and what I was helping them through and that of my ex and put together the childhood trauma checklist. And this is something a tool use now around the world. And it's so much easier for my clients to take a look at it and say, yes, that happened to me. And yes, I can identify easily what had happened.

And then through a series of questions that I asked them, we can really get to the root of the issues of where their unhealed, unconscious childhood traumas are impacting them today in life love and business. So there's a top 10 Breakfast that the research shows a trauma goes through at least three generations.

Speaker 0 (7m 44s): Oh, I so believe that. And you know, both you and I have worked with children, you know, and, and in difficult situations, you can see it in their eyes, can't you, but they can't, but they can't verbalize it.

Speaker 1 (7m 58s): Well, they learned too. That's what I was doing in the schools. I was using a lot of behavioral modification, positive therapy to get them, to be able to voice their feelings without fear. Because when you fear your mom and dad, and if you speak up and you're going to get whacked across the face, you learn not to talk about your feelings as dangerous. So they model what they learned within the household children, or they pick up the norms and the habits of what their parents do. So if parents are going to solve a problem and they're yelling and screaming at each other, then when the bull that's a teenager and he goes all, you know, my son just keeps yelling at me.

And I said, well, what did they grow up with? What was modeled to him and how you handle an issue? You know? So we have to break those behavioral norms that were so ingrained in us as children. And then there's coping mechanisms that kids do because with our childlike minds, we try to find love and attention. So let's say the class clown, you know why he is that, you know, and it's funny, I did a study on comedians and comedians always come from childhood trauma.

Speaker 0 (9m 10s): I had class clown.

Speaker 1 (9m 14s): We didn't get into your trauma though.

Speaker 0 (9m 17s): We will on your podcast.

Speaker 1 (9m 20s): But that is the thing, you know, they're looking for love and attention. They may not get at home, you know, or the people pleaser, you know, that comes from trying to always pleased that difficult mom and dad, who's a yeller or an alcoholic, and you're afraid of them. So the child mind says, well, if I'm the good little girl, maybe I won't get yelled at today. You know? So that's where that people pleasing or perfectionism habit comes from. That's just because of many, but, okay. So let's go into the top 10.

There are more, I want to preface it with that. And these can be experiences at home or at school, anytime in your childhood, from, in utero all the way through, let's say 21 to 23, because a adult woman comes into her full brain capacity around age 23 and the male around age 26.

Speaker 0 (10m 12s): Can I just stop you for a second there in utero?

Speaker 1 (10m 17s): Yes. So if we have a very anxious, abused mother who's pregnant, those anxiety feelings will go into the baby's DNA.

Speaker 0 (10m 27s): Wow. Rihanna. Yeah. Amazing.

Speaker 1 (10m 29s): So that's another reason why it says they go through three generations. One study was a Holocaust survivors, you know, and a generation or two removed their, their lineage is very highly anxious, you know? So it goes from one gene pool to the next to the next. So it is very fascinating research. Yeah.

Speaker 0 (10m 53s): So this needs to be taught. Yes. Go for it.

Speaker 1 (10m 56s): Okay. If you're growing up in a household where there's any addiction, so I name 11 of them cause I'm a drug and alcohol addictions counselor. So there's drugs, alcohol sex, meaning you knew your parent was a cheater porn, use gambling, hoarding, spending, eating, gaming, TV, watching workaholism. And I've added since the initial research, social media addiction like always being on your phone or your computer wag, the kids are growing up where you put them on machines.

You know, that addiction to machines. That's the first one. The second is verbal messaging. So again, if you watch your parents yell and scream at each other, you're bound to pick that up. Or you could have seen dad being a yeller or a mom, very passive and shut down and get really quiet. And if you were female watching the mother or the female role model, you learn as a woman, I should shut down and not speak my feelings. It could be, they were yelling at you. You know, there's all kinds of ways. Kids X are either externalizers and they will yell and scream back or be runaway or engaged in sexy, risky sexual behavior or their internalizes where they could be depressed, have eating disorders, self self-mutilation is utilization, right?

So there's different ways that this shows up in kids and teens, then there is number three is emotional abuse or neglect. We all know what that is. Number four is any physical abuse like hitting rape or molestation again in or outside of the home? Number five is around.

Speaker 0 (12m 38s): I just ask you a question. How about, how about psychological abuse? Would that be incorporated into the

Speaker 1 (12m 44s): Yes. I could fall under all of them. Verbal, emotional neglect, physical, like just threatening to hit you psychological and also under abandonment, which is the next one. So there's two types of abandonment, there's faults and no faults abandonment. So we know false abandonment would be, if a parent happens to die early, if your, your parent deploys for the military or another one is if your parent travels a lot and they're gone, but that's how they support their family.

So it's not their fault. They're gone a lot because they think they're doing the role of supporting the family. And that was one of mine that I had no idea, but I knew my dad was James Bond. He was CIA and FBI in the USA and he just was not home much. So, you know, we understood he was gone, but we didn't know his role. We were not allowed to know as a family. So it was always like, well, where's dad, is he okay? You know, when's daddy coming home. And when your mom doesn't know, it's kind of like that anxious feeling around Then there's false abandonment.

That's if a parent chooses to never be in the child's life, if they're there, while the coupler, the marriage stays together, then they barely see them. And this is where they can be present in the home, but not emotionally attached. And that, again, it can be some psychological abuse or abandonment. The next one is if you had to leave your parents' main house, for some reason, even lived with your grandma or your aunt or family friends, or if you moved a lot, because if your family was in the military here in the U S they have to move every two to four years.

So there's just around living and feeling confident and safe in your home environment. So that's that one, if you were adopted or part of foster care that falls under that category now that's, for example, is something that the ACE test miss, they missed abandonment. They missed foster care kids. And that I worked with a lot of them in the mental health hospital. I'm like, how can they miss this part of our population?

Speaker 0 (14m 50s): Absolutely

Speaker 1 (14m 51s): So much missed on that first test that I just, again, use what I was used to saying with traumatic kids and adults. Okay. So the next one was everyone relates to which we call personal trauma. So that's, if you felt different for any reason, so you could add a medical issue. You could have been identified at school as ADHD. You could have been a chubby child and tears for that, or skinny and gawky, and just didn't feel like you fit in, or you were called a nerd.

You, you know, all kinds of things could have happened. Then you could have been part of another race or culture that was not the prominent race or culture in your school. So I felt different or coming out as a teen, as LGBTQ, okay. I gave her lesbian and neither of your peers didn't accept you or your family didn't accept you. So most people can find something in there that makes them feel like they weren't good enough, or they didn't fit in, or they felt different.

Speaker 0 (15m 49s): Calling all women. Are you feeling depressed, anxious, lacking in energy, having problems sleeping all night long, waking up with brain fog, or maybe even hopelessness. And you know that there is a better you that wants to come out. Hello, it's me, Dr. Isabel. And wow. If any of this sounds like you, I get you. I have been in this place and I really wish someone who really knew what I was going through would have been there to help me through to the other side of that deep dark place.

That's why I started the shame-free anxiety and depression community for women only. It's a free and private Facebook group. Would you like weekly coaching to help you become your best self? And how about be inspired and encouraged by other women in the community? We now know that we grow better in community and not alone. The link is in the podcast description, or you can search in Facebook for the shame-free anxiety and depression community for women it's free, it's private and it's safe.

I hope to see you there soon. And now back to the podcast,

Speaker 1 (17m 16s): Trauma number eight is around the sibling. This is if your sibling bullied you, if they were born with a medical condition. So mom and dad had to give them more time, or most often you perceive them to be the golden child, the favored one, the star athlete, they're more handsome or beautiful the smarter students, but for some reason they were the star of your family's eyes. Okay. And

Speaker 0 (17m 43s): So there's that jealousy that occurs too.

Speaker 1 (17m 46s): Yeah. Or I'm just not as good as my older brother. His sister. Yeah. And then number nine has two categories. It used to be way up in the list when I was younger and that's community trauma, community trauma now is one of everybody's top of the list. This is where COVID pandemic fits in something that impacts the community at large. This is also our floods fires, hurricanes, and a mass mother nature events, our mass shootings or school shootings.

So look how prevalent that has gotten over the past 15 years compared to when I was a child and those listening, I'm a baby boomer. So there was not much community trauma going on, you know, but it's one of the top ones today. And it's sad that that's the case. Now the other part of nine is family trauma. So of course, any of these community traumas would impact the family. But also under in family is if you grow up in a dangerous neighborhood, if you're a member coming from lack, there was always struggler or talk around.

We don't have enough money could have been, your parent was incarcerated or again, that moving family, every two to four years, you never felt like it was stable. So there's a lot in trauma, number nine. And then trauma 10 is if you perceive your mom or dad to have mental health issues, again, as baby boomers did not see our parents going off to counseling. So we have to kind of guess diagnoses, but the two most difficult for children to navigate is bipolar and borderline disorder.

So bipolars, manic, depressive depression can show up as anger or mostly checking out or extreme fatigue. The manic phase, people think that's the high end. Happy one. Well, it could be, but it's often right next to a manic phase. So it could be a gambling spree or an alcohol binge or a spending spree. And then you crash after that. So that's the one. And then borderline personality. I simply define as quick trigger anger, they get mad very quickly over something most people would not get angry about.

And you never can guess their moods when they're good. They're great. When they're bad, they're hard. And you never know what you're going to get.

Speaker 0 (20m 4s): Is it kind of like walking on eggshells? Would you say these are the types of people you're like,

Speaker 1 (20m 10s): Yes. Most of my clients come to me with high anxiety and they trigger easily. They get upset easily. They take things very personally. Yeah. So those are some of the things I deal with and then how they show up or they show up again in life love or business. So we can break that down a little bit, there, show up in love and several ways. So if you had trauma 70 didn't feel good enough. And then you heard verbal messages, like you'll grow up to amount to no good or change your outfit.

You look fat in that, that leads you to not feeling good enough. So that could be jealousy control, low self worth, low confidence levels. You just don't believe in yourself. People pleasing, like I mentioned before is around that difficult parent that we usually see a lot in women. And then we see perfectionism in men perfectionism. And those are both ways of controlling in, in a way the abandonment issues. If you had any of that, that can lead to clingingness codependency, you know, anxiety when your partner leaves or if you're a man and you, you go for sexual intimacy and the woman says, no, you take that as a severe rejection.

So then you go out and you start flirting with people just to feel you've gotten some attention,

Speaker 0 (21m 32s): Right. And you're, you're in control. Yeah, I got this.

Speaker 1 (21m 36s): Or you need that attention. It's that craving for attention because there was abandonment when you were growing up with it, there's addiction that is caused by this imposter syndrome for our actors and actresses who are succeeding and they don't feel they deserve it. And then there's something called blurting out, which is saying real in a inappropriate things that leaves your audience or your person saying, what did you just say? We just had a high political official that is an adult of childhood trauma.

That was never healed. That there's a lot of blurting out going on. That kind of shocked the world when we heard it. You know? So it's really prominent. It's really easy to spot when you know what childhood is.

Speaker 0 (22m 24s): Cause you're the specialist.

Speaker 1 (22m 27s): I was walking by the TV and I said, do you think he has a mental health issue? I'm like, no, it's not Neal child, childhood trauma should be his coach.

Speaker 0 (22m 34s): You know? So

Speaker 1 (22m 36s): Yeah. You can see it once, you know the topic and you can see it in other people as well. You know, they're upset easily, or they're saying things that are shocking without thinking first. So this is why we always call it unconscious. These things are become norms for that, that these people that, you know, the trauma is not healed yet.

Speaker 0 (22m 54s): And they just learn how to cope.

Speaker 1 (22m 57s): Well, they cope the best they can.

Speaker 0 (22m 59s): That's right.

Speaker 1 (23m 0s): We'll hear people say, I feel like I'm disassociated from my body. Or I feel like I'm always looking out here at myself, interacting in a scene. You know, I never feel really happy. They seem to be missing bliss or joy. You know, they don't laugh very often. There tend to be very serious people. A lot of my women are very successful in business, but struggle in love and they can't figure out why. There's a lot of what we call RRS relationship repetitions syndrome, where consciously, they'll say, I know this guy is no good for me, you know?

And then she breaks up and then she really craves that love, she didn't get as a child. And then they go back together and the research show the break up and get back together. Period is seven times.

Speaker 0 (23m 45s): Huh?

Speaker 1 (23m 46s): Yeah. So it's like the craving, the unconscious craving for love is more than the self-love that keeps you away from the toxic partner. So this is what we do. I break all those unconscious norms as behaviors. We identify them. Where did they come from? How are they showing up? How they can show up in business is never going for your dreams, staying in that nine to five job that you hate, because you're afraid to take the leap and say yes to yourself and take on something new change.

And transition is just really scary for these people. They can have conflicts where their cohorts or feel like other people are always favored over them. You know? So it's just feeling stuck and not really going for your career dreams because the self-esteem and confidence to do so is just not there.

Speaker 0 (24m 40s): And you do need confidence to step out of the box or step out of the boat and start walking on water. Yeah, for sure. I wanted to ask you, do you have a number gauge, you know, how the, the regular ACE has, you know, if this happened, then you've got an increased risk of this. Or

Speaker 1 (24m 58s): I just did it from the severity of the story that the clients tell me, like zero one to 10, how severe is it? Now? My ex had an alcoholic father. So he came home every day, yelling and screaming. And he never knew what he was going to get, but he had nine at the 10 identified traumas. So every time he felt he was in something good, he would sabotage it. And he couldn't understand that. So when I wrote the book love beyond your dreams break free of toxic relationships to have the love you deserve.

He goes, oh my God, I finally know what's wrong with me. So that's the feeling that a lot of people get, even with this talk is like, wow, I never heard this in therapy. Like I never heard of these scents rom is like, now I know why I'm dealing with what I'm dealing with. Then we go in and we fix it. And that's the good news childhood trauma can be totally healed. That's my job. I work with people four to six months. And it's important that you do so because the one thing that Kaiser Permanente show a study showed with over 17,000 people is if you keep having this trauma stored in your brain and your body cells, the physical damage it does is really, really great.

Like it leads to a shorter lifespan for sure. Cardiovascular disease, poor immune functioning, like Epstein-Barr virus or fibromyalgia sleep disorders, eating disorders. Again, that fog that mental fog. You just feel like even looking out out of your own eyes, it's foggy pushers. So fatigued. There's just a lot. And when children coming from traumatic homes, all the studies of research I did was all this impairment. They can't learn, they can't retain their facts.

You know, and I was working with the kids, part of my kids in the schools where them identified as ADHD. And they early on before this was even talked about, they would come in, this Rihanna is relaxation or home where I would have music therapy. And one of my favorite CDs to use was by Louis Miguel. And I don't speak Spanish, but the melodies were so calming. And they're like, Ms. Brianna put Mr. Louis on. I'm like, yes, I just need to relax. I'm like, okay, let's listen to Mr.

Louie and talk about it. You know? So I mean, that's what we have to do because when they're upset, they're coming in from a huge fight. You know, I had one little boy, so my mom didn't come home last night, you know? So I got myself dressed into the bus stop. I mean, it's amazing what these little children are going through. So when they're scared, their cortisol is up and memory and learning is down. Doesn't mean they're ADHD. And I just say, no, they have trauma in their household. So I was like screaming this to the top of the rooftops and people weren't acknowledging it.

So finally, when I developed the childhood trauma checklist and went out, speaking about this about 2014, 15, and then had my own show, podcasts lessons in life and love people are finally understanding the impact on this is really huge for people of all ages, you know, men and women, everyone. And if the mother is very stressed during our pregnancy, this is very often when the baby has a smaller brain size, they have that startle stress response or more agitated kids.

And it can definitely change gene expression. So people know about trauma and they know that it's really important, eight to heal it. And B if you're a pregnant mom to have a as peaceful stress-free pregnancy, as you can, you know, it's, it's important from the health of your child from day one.

Speaker 0 (28m 40s): Wow. I can just see what, you know, what the lives are like for so many of these women here in New Zealand and Australia going through so much stress and abuse, psychological, verbal, ah,

Speaker 1 (28m 54s): Yeah. And there's a lot of tough years with COVID and everything going on there as well. Look at what our little children have had to gone through with school or no school, and can't socialize and afraid of people like I can't close, get close to someone I'll get sick. And then my mom might die. I mean, the, the fear based information was just horrendous in the past few years. So we will definitely see the impact of this as these children become teens and young adults moving forward, there's going to be a big, you know, I mean, already suicide rates are up depression, alcoholism, suicide, you know, because people can't deal with all the fear based messages.

Right? So, you know, the, again, the, the good thing about is the healing comes. We handle it all. Naturally mind, body spirit spirituality is a big part of the healing and my programs. We definitely raise the, we go from fear-based negative thinking to positive thinking, what can I do versus I can't do, you know, so really getting into the positive mindset of things, you know, creating the life you desire, you know, what is it you desire?

So when I work with women coming out of toxic relationships or marriages, I said, what do you design? They're like, I don't even know. I was just surviving. I was just here. My kids are okay. I, I don't, I lost everything about who I am. And they think back, man, I used to laugh. I used to have a great time all before I met him, you know, or her, because it goes both ways and we have to get that person back, but better. So goal setting with mindset work is a really important part of this program.

What do you desire now? Do you want a different career? Let's create what that looks like. Let's do that step by step. And then the mindset work and then four singles, the exact dating skills that they need based on research that you're not going to find in Everett, any self-help book about what is the art and psychology of dating successfully. And you should know with all this work on date one or two, is this an emotionally healthy person in front of me or not?

And you'll know, before you go on to date two or three

Speaker 0 (31m 15s): Let's let's tick the box. People need to have the tools. They've got to have the tools or else, you know what they're going to fall again.

Speaker 1 (31m 24s): Yeah. And it is repetitive, right. You know, it's like, oh my God, I chose the same person. But You know, and it's very frustrating when you're in that cycle because it happened to me. Well, this happened to me, you know? And it's like, what am I doing wrong? And when you had no answers, I describe it as you don't know what you don't know.

Speaker 0 (31m 44s): And

Speaker 1 (31m 44s): I always said, you can't change what you don't know or understand. So it was my goal to figure that out. So I could heal and then turn around as the counselor that I was to heal others. Right. That was my, and then as soon as I studied all this and was writing the books, I'm like the flood gates open and people told me they had this going on in the relationship. I said, well, is it because you have this? They're like, yeah, I'm Janell. You know? So I was able to put all these puzzle pieces together and get to the root of the problem quickly. And once we know what it is and we can quickly solve it,

Speaker 0 (32m 16s): I get that. I so get that process. You know, you like, you went on your, you, you were like, why is this happening to me that made you start searching. You found the answers on how you could get healed. Then you were able to start helping other people that is the best. I think that's the best way to teach, you know, as having happened to you. And you're like, okay, let's course correct. Because this is what I had to do. And

Speaker 1 (32m 43s): Well, when I got the research, I had to go deep in the psychological journal Books out on this. So it wasn't an easy find, you know? So by the time I put it all together and was writing my books, and then I got my love book out up to 400 pages like, wow, I gotta stop. You know, it's 400 pages. Then I started writing my notebooks based on this research for the healing portion and there 150 pages. But what I love is when my clients fill this out for me, then, and they're coming from memories and stories and they give it back to me, then I know exactly what they need to help them.

So it's very individualized. And we work as a team is very different than counseling because coaching, my method is teamwork. It's education. Let me teach you the skills. You try them. If you're struggling, you let me know why you're struggling. I'll tell you why. You know, it's like this back and forth flow and the impact is incredible. Yeah.

Speaker 0 (33m 40s): I love it. I love what you're doing. And I'm definitely going to get your books and gobble up, especially that first one lived beyond your dreams because I got so many dreams and I'm chasing them down, but I want, I want to just keep on moving forward. Hey, before we start landing this plane, I wanted to ask you, can you give the listeners three action steps so that they can win right away?

Speaker 1 (34m 8s): Yeah. Don't wait to get help. Is essential. Whether you see trauma in yourself or in your child, I'm such a child advocate. You know, people just think they'll grow up or it'll go away. No, if you're seeing signs of trauma or it usually comes out as anger, acting out, your child needs help and they don't know how to process it. So really, you know, get yourself help. That's most important to, you know, if you're single and you're going out to date, you must feel psychologically.

Like you are the whole package. You can't go out dating and fear and vulnerability because you're going to pick up someone that is going to be emotionally abusive. So you have to get empowered with knowledge and confidence and the skills that you need to feel. I've got this. And if he goes me great, I'm glad I saw that early on, because I don't want that guy. You know, it's a whole different mindset. Like next, we don't even care. You know, it's, it's this confidence of dating to find the right one, right? So never settle.

It's really important. If you are in a coupled relationship, you know, can check out my red flags checklist on my website to see how many red flags you have. But again, the longer you're dragging this out and that with nothing being done, you don't change. Nothing's changing, right? So you've got to learn the communication skills and how that happens is I have to look at partner A's trauma partner B, and then see where the relationship cycles keep going round and round and stop those and teach you new communication patterns to solve it.

And number three, there's a whole lot of holistic things. You do mind, body spirit. So I put my clients on vitamin therapy. They also do meditation, a certain one that I call divine spiritual meditation, because we are working with the brainwaves. We've got to calm the alpha brain waves that meditation shows it comes anxiety, depression, blood pressure, the fight, or flight response, cortisol levels, and then increases dopamine and serotonin levels of the brain, which are your high and happy chemicals.

So you can heal from trauma without the psychotropic drugs that has a ton of side effects. Do it naturally do it holistically. Yay. Love the plate. They're all over the place. Yeah. Really important. Like the thing is just heal the root of the problem. Don't put a bandaid on it. That's three.

Speaker 0 (36m 38s): Hey man, where can, where can people find you on gobble you out? Girl, you've got the best, much wisdom.

Speaker 1 (36m 48s): Oh, thank you. I could talk for hours on, as you can tell, I love this topic, but the best place to start is my website. It's my name, Rihanna, And on there, you can get the free ebook. You can get those for free love tasks. And one is the childhood trauma checklist. If you weren't able to write it down, it's right there for you. And you can get the first 60 pages of chapter downloads of live and love beyond your dream. So help yourself to that. And I've got like 250 videos and my podcasts lessons in life and love with coach Rihanna mill right on my YouTube channel on every podcast platform.

So please join me there.

Speaker 0 (37m 26s): And all of this that Rihanna just shared with us is in the show notes on how to get in contact with her. Thank you so much. You are a wealth of wisdom, and I'm glad I say this respectfully. I'm glad you went through what you went through, because if you hadn't, you wouldn't be helping the world like you are right now.

Speaker 1 (37m 47s): But I thank you for helping me with the mission of changing the way the world loves, because until people understand or know it, it's going to keep happening. So thank you a lot, Dr. Isabel, and you know, for all of our listeners, please, you know, it's never too late to create the life you desire and have the love you deserve. Don't wait.

Speaker 0 (38m 7s): Absolutely, absolutely Rihanna. Thank you everyone for joining me on Rihanna. I hope you have a super fantastic day and you know what I always say, remain on unstoppable. If you've got anything in front of you, that's stopping you from achieving your goal, your dream, you know what? Just figure out how are you going to get through it over it under it or around it? Just figure it out. Rihanna has just shared some amazing well of information to help you deal with whatever you've gone through so that you can like open up the door and step in to the life that you want.

You just got to do a little bit of cleaning up and she can help you in four to six months. Holy moly, four to six months is going to happen sooner or later. So why not get the work done now so that you can move forward and up? Okay. All right. That's it from me. I hope you have a wonderful day. Thank you for joining us. Bye-bye