MD and Chef Team - The Show!

From Me to You! What I learned from raising six children.

September 07, 2021 Dr. Isabel MD & Culinary Nutrition Expert Chef Michael Season 2 Episode 25
MD and Chef Team - The Show!
From Me to You! What I learned from raising six children.
Show Notes Transcript

➥  In this episode of the MD and Chef Team; it's Dr. Isabel MD interviewing Life Coach Isabelle. 😂

🔶 
Isabelle will share her story of raising six children, yes, I said SIX, 💗 and what her life's journey has taught her about parenting, womanhood, and couples relationships.

🔹 Isabelle was born in France and raised in Germany. She lost her mom at the age of six, lived first with her aunt and then with her dad and his girlfriend. She had to grow up fast. After high school she was a nanny in NJ, Texas And Florida, met her future spouse, broke up her paediatric nursing training and moved to the US at age 21.

🔶  She became a physical therapist assistant and then a stay at home mom to her 6 children. They are now 15-27 years of age. Her parenting style wasn’t working, but with the help of a coach, she was able to transform her family life. That’s when she knew she had to become a coach and pass on the magic to others.

🔹 She now helps women in midlife create healthier relationships, starting with themselves.
She is certified through Live inspired now coach training. She loves to learn all things in the self development world, then make it concise and pass it on with lots of her life experiences.

🔶  She feels that she hit the jackpot  💎 with her life coaching tools, because she can now take and process anything life throws at her and stay calm and centered.

⏬   Download and Listen to the Whole Story! 

➥  Link to contact Isabelle, including her website;  https://www.isabellestephenson.com

➥ 
For more insights on Isabelle's Coaching Retreat in Italy / 2023;  https://www.wetravel.com/checkout_embed?uuid=74410533

➥  YouTube Channel for Life Coach Isabelle: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjV5nO2DWSlBlbeZXrZI2wg

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Speaker 0 (0s): Coming up on this episode of the MD and chef team show, what did you decide? Did you know that you were, I mean, did you were like, I want another one. I want another one. I want another one or, I mean, what happened? How do you have six children? I guess 

Speaker 1 (17s): We just kind of always wanted one more. And by the sixth one, we both said the nest is fall. We moved to nest this fall. 

Speaker 0 (26s): So it was a joint agreement. Yes. Oh, that's so good. Well, you must, you know what, and that's why God's used you to help us learn how to be good parents. Peaceful parents peaceful. Yes. Yes. Do you have any, like, so tell me what you do with your coaching. How, how do you go about you do all three areas of coaching, parent, coaching, women, coaching, and couple coaching. 

Speaker 2 (53s): Well, it's going to the show from the MDs shop team. I'm Dr. Isabel medical doctor here at the MD and chef team. And who are you? I'm chef Michael Coleman nutrition expert. I'm the chef, the kid. And what are we going to talk about bad. Now I can see that cause he's my husband as well. Then we'll be talking about marriage, relationship, parenting intimacy. Talk about mindsets of success. Overcoming depression, anxiety. I'll be getting into functional nutrition, recipes and tips from the kitchen. 

And we're going to both get into how to live a long, healthy, vibrant life. Yes, I love it. Our mission is to help you prevent and reverse the disease and give you hope in the process. Oh yeah. We might let us get on with the show. 

Speaker 0 (1m 47s): Hello, Isabel. How are you doing? Hello, 

Speaker 1 (1m 50s): Isabel. I'm doing fine. How are you? This is so much fun. I can tell buddy. I've been honored to be here with you. Thank you. 

Speaker 0 (1m 58s): Oh, Hey. Thanks for being here with us. I so appreciate it. It's so funny to interview another Isabelle. 

Speaker 1 (2m 5s): I'm an LLC now a little different. 

Speaker 0 (2m 7s): Yeah. You're more Isabelle. Cause you got the L L E 

Speaker 1 (2m 12s): I was born in France. That's where that came from. 

Speaker 0 (2m 15s): Yes, I know. And where are you right now? Right now? 

Speaker 1 (2m 19s): I am in sunny and humid, Florida and the United States. And before that, we lived in New Jersey for a long time. And before that Germany, that's where I grew 

Speaker 0 (2m 28s): Up. Oh, and I, I can hear a little bit of that German accent a little 

Speaker 1 (2m 32s): Bit. Yes. When, once I give it away, people can get it. Yeah. 

Speaker 0 (2m 36s): You know, I used to have, I used to live in Argentina when the Situs Argentina with my father in 1970s and I a, I had a German boyfriend and the only thing I learned in German from him was a good one, which means, which means I love you. I love Italy. Yeah. So everybody, like, I always get a smile out of that. I was 

Speaker 1 (3m 3s): Bracing myself for some German curse word, but you did a good 

Speaker 0 (3m 6s): One. No, no, no, no, no, no. We don't need to cuss here. No, it's not necessary. That's usually 

Speaker 1 (3m 12s): What people remember. So you remembered a really beautiful phrase. Yes. That's good. 

Speaker 0 (3m 20s): That Isabel ISA B E L L E is the French term. That's the French spelling. Yes. Yes. And I'm the Spanish ISA. Oh, because my team were European mom ended up at my mother's heritage was in Cuba. So the Spanish came to Cuba and here we are. Wow. Wow. France and Spain and Cuba together. 

Speaker 1 (3m 46s): I heard you talk about your Cuban loud dad or something like that. And I'm like, well, I can think of my strict German dad, so 

Speaker 0 (3m 59s): Yeah. Yes. Hey, how about if I introduce you to our listeners? Go ahead. Are you okay with that? I'll just read a little bit about your short bio. Welcome everybody. I'm Dr. Isabel medical doctor here at the MD and chef team and your host. And I get to interview Isabelle Stevenson all the way from Florida America. Yes. I cannot believe we can do this. It's just so great. I'm so grateful. So Isabel was born in France and raised in Germany. 

She lost her mom at the age of six. Oh my gosh. That's terrible. I could not imagine that. And she lived first with her aunt and then with her dad and his girlfriend, she had to grow up fast after high school. She was with a, she was a nanny in New Jersey, Texas and Florida met her future. Spouse stopped her pediatric nursing training. Oh, I'll have to talk to you about that. 

And then moved to the U S at the age of 21, she became a physical therapist assistant and then stayed and then a stay at home mom to get this everybody six children. We have a lot to talk about. They're now 15 through 27 years of age and her parenting style wasn't working. But with the help of a coach, she was able to transform her family life. That's when she knew she had to become a coach and pass on the magic to others. 

She now, she now helps women in mid-life create healthier relationships starting with themselves. She has a certified life coach through life inspired now, and she helps women, parents. She does parent coaching, women, coaching and coaching, which is very all encompassing. She loves to learn all things in self-development world. Hey, I have to raise my hand. I am a junkie about personal development. 

So I'm so glad you're here. Isabella and her husband uprooted their big family in 2016 to move to Florida where she loves being with people and enjoys outside adventures. She feels that she has hit the jackpot with her life coaching tools because she can now take and process anything. Life throws at her and stay calm and center. Wow. You mean you don't react. You respond now 

Speaker 1 (6m 41s): 80% of the time. Maybe not perfect, but yes, I used to be a yelling mom. So I've changed a lot. 

Speaker 0 (6m 51s): It's much better this way. Did we learn this? Where did we learn to scream and yell? 

Speaker 1 (6m 56s): Oh, many places. My upbringing. And I hate to say this, but there was such a high standard in my faith based environment in that church. And I'm not saying they made me yell, but the standard was so high and I felt, always compare it. And I felt my children had to be obedient. Like everyone else's and well, my first one was a red hat. So how did you do okay. 

No excuses, but I just always felt that wasn't me. I didn't like it. And it took me way too long to stop that. But I, I want to encourage anyone. If there's a mom listening, it doesn't matter how old your children are. I can figure this out. They can too, because I can say I've stopped yelling. And that, that feels good. 

Speaker 0 (7m 49s): When did that stop? When did you stop yelling? And at what child did you stop yelling with? Well, they were all 

Speaker 1 (7m 56s): Born, so they all have to suffer for a while and I apologize profusely. And you can ask them on. I asked them for forgiveness and cause it, I it's just, it never felt right. You know, when you're, you've got your intuition tells you it's not right, but you don't have another way. So after I'd had the homeschool too, that adds to the stress levels. So after I put them in public school, I had all this free time. Right? Like what do I do with this time? 

And I listened to so many online summits back then that was 2014 and I just soaked it all up. It was all parenting summits, or I just listened to so many and took notes. I haven't looked at the notes, but I soaked it all in. And then I hired a coach. She calls herself a mentor. And the way she taught me to love my children was like never heard before. And it was just transformative and I call it magical. 

It was, it was new to me. It was what I've always wanted. I just didn't have a name for it. So I, now I know, and I don't know if she would call it that, but it goes under peaceful parenting and conscious parenting. I love 

Speaker 0 (9m 14s): That peaceful parenting. 

Speaker 1 (9m 17s): Yes. Many books out there, many experts out there. Yes. 

Speaker 0 (9m 23s): You know, I so relate to you as about, because I was a yeller and a screamer and, and you know, it's oh man. I just, I mean, I've talked to my girls about this. They're now 24 and 26, 25. And now they're 25, almost 27. 

Speaker 1 (9m 42s): There you go. Same two oldest, 25 and 27. 

Speaker 0 (9m 47s): Yeah. And I've just, I've I've, I've asked them to forgive me and they actually say, mom, I don't even remember. So that's, that's a good thing. Good thing, your kids. 

Speaker 1 (9m 59s): I think so. Sadly. Yes they do. Yes. And the older ones even notice that I'm not punishing the younger ones, like they were. So they're like, what are you doing? You know, I wouldn't have to be punished for what he, or she just did. I'm like, well, I'm not doing that anymore. 

Speaker 0 (10m 20s): I love that peaceful parenting. And you know that the cool thing is, I mean, we're just letting the listeners know that it's a journey, right? It's a journey how to be a para. 

Speaker 1 (10m 31s): Oh yes, there is no overnight cure. There is no five days to this. And three days to that, even six weeks is not enough. No, it takes time. It takes time and effort takes time and effort it's work. But once you are accustomed to a different way, it's, and I'm sure you're familiar with that. And you probably are much more versed in this, but you have your thoughts have little pathways right. In your, in your brain. So once you get rid of the old way of thinking and you renew your mind, right. 

We can renew our mind. Once you have a pathway with new thoughts, then once they are getting used to being in your mind, then it's easier. So the more you think those new thoughts, the easier it is. And one of them was really that turned my parenting upside down in a goat way, was I'm learning from them and I'm respecting them. I'm not demanding respect and respecting them. And I'm learning from them. And that has opened a beautiful world to me. 

Speaker 0 (11m 38s): I, you know, I, I understand that because it just hit home with me with one of my youngest, my youngest daughter. So she's in Multa right now doing some work. And so she sends us pictures and she's 25. She's 25 now. And look, listen to everybody. I'm learning how to be a mom, to adult women. I'm learning now, because I don't know how to do that. And I know you relate to that. 

And so I I've got my mom who lives in Washington, DC, and she's nine she's 96 years young, like amazing living independently. She's our hero. And so what I do is I send pictures that make that my youngest daughter sends me. And then I send it over to my mom so that she can see it. And so my youngest daughter was talking to my mom the other day and mom was like, oh, and I love this picture of you doing this. And, and then when, when she, when my youngest daughter and I were talking, she goes, how did ma how did Mimi get that picture? 

And I go, oh, I sent them to her. She goes, you didn't ask me. Oh, I didn't even think to ask her. Yeah, respect. So now I had to learn, do you hear me? Has that happened? 

Speaker 1 (12m 59s): Because I've been told the same, like you posted that. I'm like, oh gosh, I did. So now I'm like, which one are you okay for me to post? Like, if I posted it on social media, I not even sending it to a grandma, both grandmas passed. So it's more like me showing the world, my family. I'm like, are you okay with this fun? And like now, so yes. Asking them as part of that respect. 

Speaker 0 (13m 26s): Yeah. Wow. It's just, it's, it's definitely learning, learning, learning, learning, learning, learning, learning constantly. There's so much I wanted to ask about. So you are going to be a nurse, a pediatric nurse. Yes. 

Speaker 1 (13m 42s): Well, before that, I wanted to be in Germany. We have kindergarten, which is three to six years. It's not, we don't have preschool. So kindergarten goes from three to six and then you go to first grade. So I wanted to do that first, but then I changed my mind. And again, keep in mind, there was no mom to talk to me to guide me. My dad was much older. He was 51 when I was born. That was way older. My mom was 40. So I really like try to find my way through the mud. 

And I know I love children. That's the only thing I knew. So by talking to a friend of mine, I applied for the pediatric nursing program, which again is a whole different thing in Germany. It's free. And you know, it's, it's awesome. And before I started that, I came to the states. That was the time I came as a nanny. And that's where I met my husband. So at that then just, you know, met him. We weren't engaged or anything. 

And then again, we decided for some reason that I would cancel or stop my nursing program and I would move here and continue. Well, that, wasn't a good decision because you can't just pick up a medical training in another country without waiting forever to get the credits, adjust it. And so it was just like, so yeah, if I could turn back time, I wouldn't suggest quitting. 

I didn't think I quit. I thought I could continue, but it took forever to get my green card and all that stuff. And the credits were, you know, they had to be professionally adjusted to the American system. So it was just, I was, oh gosh, the first year was awful. So that's why I was so bored. I started volunteering and that's how I ended up working with physical therapist. I'm like, Ooh, I like that. And then I'm like, there's no way I had one and a half years already. Plus one year break in between because my green card wasn't ready. 

And then I'm like, there's no way I'm going to do another four, six years of whatever. So I did the two year the assistant and then I had children. So, 

Speaker 0 (15m 57s): And then they came, they kept on coming. What did you decide? Did you know that you were, I mean, did you were like, I want another one. I want another one. I want another one or, I mean, what happened? How do you have six children? 

Speaker 1 (16m 11s): I guess we just kind of always wanted one more. And by the sixth one, we both said the nest as fall, we knew the nest 

Speaker 0 (16m 19s): As fall. Ah, so it was a joint agreement. Yes. Oh, that's so good. Well, you must, you know what, and that's why God's used you to help us learn how to be good parents, peaceful parents peaceful. Yes. Do you have any, like, so tell me what you do with your coaching. How, how do you go about you do all three areas of coaching, parent, coaching, woman coaching, and couple coaching. Can we just kind of talk about each of those and what you, you know, ideas and so that people know how to, 

Speaker 1 (16m 53s): So very briefly, like one client, it was actually a father and a mother who came to me late and they had trouble with their teenager son. And it's never the child, by the way, I actually helped them connect with him in a different way. And I could tell the, the, the mother was on board, but the father not so much. And then it, it, it needed both need to be on board. Right. So it's just, I show them ways of connecting differently to the child, not going straight to punishing. 

Right. Because we were raised with very strict parents, I would say our generation. Right. And you do, as you're told, right. And you respect because there is never like, oh, how do you feel about that? Right. So I just show them, the younger generation is different and we need to show them the respect. We need to connect with them before you resolve anything. And you ask them like, there was a problem, but like this teenagers room and homework, like how, how can I support you in your homework? 

What do you need from me instead of you get this homework done by 6:00 PM. You know? So it's just a different way. I, I see, I've noticed, I've noticed as a very good term, I've noticed you're struggling with this. How can I support you? So you're, you're in the court with them. You're not against them. They need to know that you're with them. 

Speaker 0 (18m 19s): I like that I've noticed, 

Speaker 1 (18m 21s): I've noticed is a magical phrase and say, we help. How can I support you? How, how can we work this out and ask them for their ideas? And they might have some, they might not know. Sometimes you get a grumbling. Wait, you familiar with that? Maybe girls, 

Speaker 0 (18m 42s): No, I get it. I get it. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (18m 45s): So that was one example. And couple of, you know, usually they come to you with, to me with one problem, but I I've learned to listen in between the lines. And then we work on the real problem. And it's not always communication. That's just a symptom of what's going on. Sometimes there's mistrust. Sometimes there is jealousy. Sometimes there's all kinds of things going on and I have a different approach. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the love languages course. 

So when I get a couple there, if I tell them, find out your spouse's love language, and then, you know, speak that language. They're mad at each other. I get that wouldn't work. Right? So I changed it to find out your love language and then fill it for yourself. First kind of fill your cup first. I also have a beautiful tool about the six human needs and I show it to them and they need to figure out their own top two needs each one individually. 

And then I ask them to fill it themselves first, because then you're, you're a nicer human being and what your cup is full, then you could possibly give to your spouse. But if you're always like resentful or angry or, you know, there's no, you can't tell somebody, okay, now now feel your spouse's needs or now speak. Your spouse's loving is when they're mad at each other. So I didn't have a different approach. So I've worked with the feeling your own needs first. 

And then, and then we work on the, how can you, how can you ask for this? How can you respond to this? So responding is a big thing too. Like if a spouse says something that makes you upset, well, you don't have to stay there and finish the argument. You can actually excuse yourself and leave and say, I'm not doing that this way we can talk later tomorrow, or when you're in a better mood, you know, so responding. So also I had one client and it was a marriage problem, but she came to me by herself and, you know, lady, little older than me. 

And when I, when I showed her some of these tools that she doesn't have to get drawn into this argument, like, you know how there's always a dance, you know, with, you're always, you're so used to reacting and they're so used to it. They're feeding off of your reaction if they know it or not, something like that, you know that you don't, you don't have to stay in that room at that moment. Like you can, that's his issue, not yours. This is like, whoa. So just separating like themselves from the problem is very helpful. 

Just wait a minute. What's going on here? Is that my problem to solve? If it's not, you can just say, I hear you. How can I help you? But you don't have to react. And I hear you, but that's your problem, buddy? 

Speaker 0 (21m 47s): I, you know, I always, I just learned this term in the last year about bleeding in like you can't, and as parents, you can't let your children's or your husband or your partner's life bleed into you. You have to kind of like make a wall where like, okay, I can actually respond to this intelligently and emotionally without getting sucked into their energy. So that's something I've I've had to learn is not allow my, whatever my daughters are going through is learning how to not let that bleed into me because we all want our kids to be happy. 

Right. And everyone. Yes. And we want our husband and wives to be happy and to, but sometimes they have a journey. They've got stuff that they got to work through too. And just because we're married doesn't mean nobody has to grow. That's 

Speaker 1 (22m 44s): Right. Growth is a very important thing. Yeah. Yeah. And I've never heard the bleeding interim, but that, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're a mom, it affects you. It does the energy of others, the moods of others affect you. I'm not saying, you know, sometimes you see posts on social media, like, oh, just get rid of all the toxic people in your life. Well, sometimes you can't and you know, you know, so you have to learn how to respond, but I don't have to take it in, I guess that's the bleeding in. 

I can see it. Right. And I can feel it because I'm very sensitive. So I feel it. 

Speaker 3 (23m 21s): I am too, I'm really sensitive to, so 

Speaker 1 (23m 24s): I tear up very easily, especially with criticism. And, but I don't have to, I don't have to, like you said, take it in. And then, you know, ruminate on it all day. I'm like, okay. So that really hurt me. That really bothered me. Why did that bother me? There must be still something going on, like a wound of myself that I can work on myself later. I can sit down and think about it. I can process that feeling. That's another thing that's very, has been very helpful in my life and in the life of my clients, not to push those feelings down, right. 

Let's say, you know, one of your adult children or teenage children says something snarky. They do, they 

Speaker 3 (24m 5s): Do. They can hurt your heart like that. Yes. And 

Speaker 1 (24m 9s): I don't want to change them. I don't. I used to want to control them. Right? It's not about control. It's about connection, right. To, C's not control it's connection. Right. And it's not rules it's relationship. So how can I process that feeling? Because I'm hard for whatever teaches that, but I'm not telling them to never say that again because they show well, but so I processed that feeling of hurt or whatever comes up, let's say it's hurt. 

Then I process that. And I'm sure you have better words to describe it, but it's in your body. You feel it somewhere in your body while you can feel it in your throat or in your chest, it's tight or your hands get sweaty or tight. You know, your body is somehow physiologically responding to that trigger that was just set off. And they don't know that they triggered you, that just being teenagers and young adults or spouses who have a crappy day. So it's my responsibility to process that feeling. 

And it takes, it doesn't take long. It really doesn't take long. And I have a whole process for that. It's too long to explain that now, but it's just a way of processing it and really feeling it, leaving your body and then inviting if you're faith based, inviting God's light or God's love, or if you're not just a light and a warmth, you invite that in and you really are more grounded and more calm at that moment. Right. And, and also the, what I really learned from my first mentor and I wanted to write it on my walls in big letters is not about you. 

It's not about you. That helped me so much to step back and just say that phrase over and over. So they're having a bad day. They're saying this spouse does that well, might not be about me. Right. And then I can separate myself from that whole scenario and process and be myself without being drawn into that. I know without that bleeding in. Does that make sense? 

Speaker 0 (26m 14s): Absolutely. I just, absolutely. I so relate to everything you're saying. And when you said I wanted to write it on the walls, I've got a room. I think you and I are a lot of lines. We met, we met each other in another group and we're now here talking. So I think you and I are a lot of like, because I've got this room where I it's just my room, I call it the war room and I I've words 

Speaker 3 (26m 44s): All over the place. Cause, cause yeah. 

Speaker 0 (26m 47s): Do you, do you do that kind of stuff 

Speaker 1 (26m 49s): Record in front of me? What words do you have on your wall? 

Speaker 0 (26m 55s): Lots of statements. Statements like I can, I will. I must. I have no. Oh, right 

Speaker 1 (27m 1s): Here. Yeah. She's the hero of her own story. And in front of me is a big word that says focused. I wonder that's 

Speaker 0 (27m 11s): A good word. That's a good word. I also wanted to just circle back on when you were talking about, you know, when somebody hurts your heart. Oh yeah. Also forgiveness. Like I learned something that I've learned the long and hard and ugly and messy way is I've got to forgive people as soon as they hurt my heart. I just got to forgive them because if I don't forgive them, I start getting sick and I start doing stupid things like drink an extra glass of red wine or I'll eat more food. 

Like I'll start hurting myself. You know? However, when I forgive people, it just helps. It helps heal me faster. And they don't even know that I forgave them. They don't even know that they hurt me. And Joyce Meyer. Are you familiar with dry sprayer? Yeah. I love Joyce Meyer. So she's really helped me just grow a lot. And she has this wonderful saying when we don't forgive people, it's kind of like us drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Like 

Speaker 1 (28m 17s): That ain't gonna happen. 

Speaker 0 (28m 20s): We're the ones who are gonna suffer. 

Speaker 1 (28m 22s): I didn't know. That was from her. Yes. I've heard that thing. It's true because, and you, you shared with us, thank you so much for sharing that, that it, it really hurts yourself. Right? When, when you don't, I see the forgiving as a releasing, right. It's, it's kind of like, again, the detaching and it's part of that whole process. So it's really, it's really beautiful when you can do that. 

Speaker 0 (28m 47s): Yeah. But it takes a long time. And the way I know that I still need to forgive is because when that person shows up in my life and I still am like, ah, and then I'm like, got to keep on forgiving and you keep on forgiving until you don't have that reaction again, like sadness or fear or anger, you know? Yes. They 

Speaker 1 (29m 8s): Come up quickly. Those feelings. Yes, yes. Yeah. 

Speaker 0 (29m 13s): Let me ask you what has helped you the most with your clients? 

Speaker 1 (29m 17s): So I guess I can go back to that saying, don't take it personal. That is really one thing in marriage and parenting with the, with the woman I coached just to step back and to take a break. And, and even, even if you have to remove yourself physically from the situation for a moment and just kind of observe, and that's what I had to teach myself when I'm my clients, why did I do what I did? Why did I say that? Why did I think that, and I have a wonderful tool or where I can literally plug it in. 

And it's like, it's called the model. It's like, literally you plug it in the circumstance. The thought, the feeling, the action, the result, then you're like, oh, I felt hurt. I felt angry. What was I thinking? And what was the circumstance that triggered that? So it's almost like a very logical step to figure out your emotions, which is both worlds. And I love that. So stepping back and observing yourself has helped me and my clients and not to take that personal. And again, the hurts, a lot of people have big wounds, big hurts, and sometimes they want you to carry it. 

Oh, you too, you to be there to fix it. And, and believe me, I've tried and it doesn't work. I've tried to do so even to know that like, it's okay if I can fix that, I CA I just need to focus on myself. And in the beginning, that sounded to me that sounded a little selfish, but it's really very healthy. I found it to be very healthy, to focus on my side of the street. What can I do? 

What am I responsible for? And just to focus on that. And I get to show up as a much more grounded and calm human being when I do focus on that and do my growth and do my, you know, learning and educating myself, and then I can show up in a way different way. And also intention goes with that. Right? I can choose. And that's a beautiful thing. I can set an intention. Let's say I have a client that knows by the next family meeting with the son and the daughter-in-law does science, fiance, whatever. 

There's gotta be some conflict because it's been in the past, then it's going to be there again. So I walked them through it. How do you want to show up at that moment? It's almost like, yeah. It's like a job interview. Like you prepare for a job interview. I hope. Right. So how do you want to show up for that? Do you know what's going to happen? You can't wish it away, but people will humans. We mess up. Families are messy. Oh yeah. They're gonna be there and choose how you want to show up. 

And then how, what do you need to do to pull that off? What do you need to do? What state of mind do you need to be in and set an intention? I choose to show up joyful, calm, silly, happy, whatever, to something that you know will help you through that. And you know, there's holidays coming up, right? I mean, not, not soon, but when you have like Thanksgiving or, you know, we had 4th of July, you know, family gets together, right? 

So you know, which person triggers you, then you can choose ahead of time. You can choose the ahead of time you can set. And boundaries is a long topic. I don't want to get into that, but boundaries don't need always to be verbalized, right? If you know that, let's say this, you know, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, mother-in-law passed. Mother-in-law's helped me. I am one now. But if you know, they gotta be there, set an intention for yourself ahead of time. 

How you want to show up no matter how they act, no matter how, how would they might trigger you, be ready for it. Like almost prepare for it and play it through just like you want to chop into play it through. What am I going to say? What am I gonna do? How do I want to feel? We can choose how we want to feel not awesome. I like that. 

Speaker 0 (33m 37s): No, we can choose. We can choose what thoughts actually stay in our mind. We can choose how we want to be in a situation. Yes, I know. It's your, I'll tell you. You spoke to my heart. Definitely spoken to my heart. Thank you so much. I know you've helped so many women and men around the world with that. Now we're going to have to start landing this plane. We've been flying in first class. 

And do you have about three action steps that our listeners can implement right away so that they can start winning in their life? I love 

Speaker 1 (34m 17s): That. I love that. You asked that question. It's so good. I feel good. So I tried to come up with an acronym, but I couldn't come up with anything. Good. So I was thinking maybe www. So let me just explain. So w four, watch yourself or observe yourself. So the better word is observed, but it doesn't start with a w so observe yourself as the first step. It's always the first step to be aware, to be aware of how did I show up? What did I do? How did, how did I feel? So just observe yourself almost like you're watching yourself in a movie, observing just no judgment, because we're so good at touching ourselves, not judgment, just observing. 

Right. And that takes time also. And the second step is to ask yourself, what do I need right now? What do I need? And women don't know how to ask that. We always ask what the other person needs. Right? So what do I need at this moment? Oh, maybe I need to remove myself, right? Maybe I need a five minute nap. Maybe I need to sit and have a good conversation with a friend. What do I need right now? So that's the second. And that's very difficult actually for some woman to answer. 

And the third one is even more difficult, but it's so good. So I need to tell you, so the second one is, what do I need the second w and then the third one is write, write down daily. If you can. I acknowledge myself for, and then fill it in. I have, I actually have an, a daily planner that I wrote out in my, one of my daughters designed it for me, cause she's much better with that. And the last line is I acknowledge myself for, and that has helped one client so much. 

She was in a divorce from a narcissist many, like 16 years of marriage, three children. And she, I wanted to draw that out of her. So I, and she did it. She wrote down five things that she was thankful for. And I acknowledge myself for being a good mom, to my teens, planting a garden. Like she found something every day that she was good at. And those, those are really healthy, helpful things for women, because we, we don't do that without that being brought to our attention. 

And we want to be acknowledged, right? I can. I know. I, I want to get be validated, but maybe nobody will do it for me. So I need to do it myself. 

Speaker 0 (36m 45s): That's right. That's right. You got to vote for yourself. You got it. I love that. Those are really good action steps. I know that I'll be using those. I watch observe yourself. What do I need right now? And write down. I acknowledge myself for dot, dot, dot. Yeah. That's so good. As about, I want to give you a big, hi, 

Speaker 1 (37m 11s): Oh, I take it. And I acknowledge you for your work. You do beautiful work in the world and I've listened to you. I, since I met you, I just love listening to you. And I acknowledge you for taking a courageous step of closing your practice and opening a functional medicine, practice something in that for. So I acknowledge you for that. Stepping out into the unknown and, you know, paving a pathway for, for us. I can, I can learn from that. I can take some courage from that. 

So I appreciate that. 

Speaker 0 (37m 43s): Thank you. It's definitely a step of faith every single day, every day, 

Speaker 3 (37m 50s): Every day. Now 

Speaker 0 (37m 53s): In the last couple minutes, can you let the listeners know our listeners know where can they find you? And what do you have coming up and what goodness, you know, how can, how can they stay in contact with you? 

Speaker 1 (38m 4s): But they can find me on my website, Isabelle stevenson.com, just like my name is spelled out.com. And I would love to give each one who's inter interested at 15 to 20 minute coffee chat. Just to get to know you better just to listen to you where you are, what you need. I love those chats. So sign up for free coffee chats. Just write an email it's on my website is about stevenson.com and a very exciting thing that's coming up. I can't believe it. It's like amazing. 

I was invited to host a luxury retreat in Northern Italy. I can't believe it. So I'm going to read some of the cities that it is the end of 2023. So you can plan ahead. And it is a lecture. We retreat. We are going to visit eight cities plus private coaching and only 10 woman per week. So very intimate group of people, you will be picked up from the airport. You will have breakfast a mixer of the first night and a, almost like a ball the last night to celebrate you. 

So the guest is really the VIP at this retreat. Plus we will see cities like Sabu, Netta, Verona, Manitoba, Venice, reminisce, San Marino, San Giovanni, and Milan. And guess what? We are going to see the Christmas markets because I will be there end of November into December. So I am super excited. So anyone and it's about relationships. So anyone can, can benefit from relationship coaching. And I will coach one-on-one and in groups, and we will get to know each other and travel to these awesome cities and have a great time and make new friends, make new friends. 

Also do that. 

Speaker 0 (39m 53s): Well, I want to sign up for that. I'll have to talk to my husband and say, Ben, can I go please? All by myself? Cause he'll go. I want 

Speaker 1 (40m 0s): To go, yes. I want 

Speaker 0 (40m 4s): To go. And I go, well, it's just for us women. So anyway, we'll talk about that. And, and are you doing zoom consults? Can, can women reach out and work with you? One-on-one on tele tele consult? 

Speaker 1 (40m 18s): Yes, absolutely. So I, I offered a coffee chat, but if somebody is really seriously interested in coaching one-on-one we do a discovery call and we, I take half an hour to an hour to listen to you and where you are and what you need. And then you see if I'm a good fit for you. And if you're a good fit for me and we start coaching, 

Speaker 0 (40m 36s): I love, you've got such a lovely heart. I love your sweetness. It's so thank you. Your kids have taught you a lot. Haven't they? They 

Speaker 1 (40m 45s): Have taught me a lot. They might not have called me sweet 10 years ago. 

Speaker 0 (40m 50s): I know. I get you girl. It's all about, Hey, we're looking for progress, not perfection. Yeah. Right. 

Speaker 1 (40m 55s): And, and I learned this from one coach. He said is that one day is the day one. I have never forgotten that. It can always be day one. You can start tomorrow and do one little change. You can start with one little change, like observing yourself, like acknowledging yourself and see how it changes. And I forgot to mention, and it's very quick. It's okay. It's the compound effect. Right? And if you haven't heard of it, there's a wonderful video on YouTube about, you know, somebody was asked, would you rather have $1 million or a penny that doubles in value every day for days. 

Right? Most people. And when I asked my children, they're like, she's up to some mom got to go with the penny. It's the penny. Because in the end, the compound effect makes it way over a million. I think it's almost 3 million. And that's what I teach. You. Just do one small change. Because if you ask somebody to stay in a relationship, like in a big way, right. That's that's not possible. 

Like you won't go on a one-on-one vacation with your teenager and make it all better. That's that's too much in your is going to see you, right. So you need a small change and then your brain goes, oh, I can do that. Right. That's part of the renewing of the mind. If I, if I have one small change, like those three action steps I can do that, I can write once a day, I acknowledged myself. I can learn to observe and I can learn to ask myself, what do I need? That's just one thing. Right? And the dividends that will bring down the road is, is amazing. 

Plus you're teaching your brain to think different. So it needs to start with a small renewed thought. Maybe it's just one small thought. And then it grows from there. There are bigger things as we want bigger changes, but you can handle one, one small change. That's why I call it step-by-step relationship coaching. Because I believe people get too overwhelmed with the five days to three days to that it's small steps. 

Speaker 0 (43m 4s): Right? Right. Absolutely. I so understand that. And that's it's baby steps, ladies, baby steps that tell you, learn how to walk. That's how you learn how to run it's baby steps. Exactly. Well, you've definitely helped me out a lot. 

Speaker 1 (43m 22s): You've helped me since I met you. I'm listening to you. Thank you. And I'm at home and doing, you know, chores. I'm like, I've got to listen to Isabelle. 

Speaker 0 (43m 31s): Aw, thank you. Thank you. Do you have a pocket? I don't. I have a YouTube channel. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Well, what I'll do is in the show notes for everybody we'll put in all the links. Okay. All right. 

Speaker 2 (43m 46s): Thanks so much. Thank you, Isabella. It was really nice meeting you. It was an honor being here with you and so much fun too. Thank you. And I look forward to seeing you in Italy in 2023. Yes. What month? What month is that? November and December. I have three weeks into, let me see. I don't have the exact dates in front of me, but it's, I can send you that link. I think I did send it to you this morning. I did send you the link middle of November till like the first week of December. 

So there's three weeks available in 2023. It's 10 women a week. Yes. So could a woman sign up for three weeks, but that would be great. Huh? All right. Hey, thank you so much. And listeners, thank you so much for joining Isabelle and Isabelle here today, and we hope you have a super fantastic day on non-verbal. I'll talk to you later. Bye bye. 

Speaker 4 (44m 51s): Hello, chef Michael here. If you enjoyed today's episode, we would love it. If you subscribe to the podcast and left us a review.