MD and Chef Team - The Show!

How to Build Successful Long Term Relationships

October 26, 2021 Dr. Isabel MD & Culinary Nutrition Expert Chef Michael Season 2 Episode 30
MD and Chef Team - The Show!
How to Build Successful Long Term Relationships
Show Notes Transcript

🔷  In this episode, Michael and Isabel offer some keys for a long term successful relationship. Yes, for 41 years we've been together and sometimes, you say, whoa, what, how did we get here? Because it has gone pretty quickly.

Through all the ups and downs and fun and laughs and cries and all that great stuff that come along the way. How did we possibly do it?

🔷  We've gone ahead and put it all together in a podcast to shorten your learning curve. So you don't have to walk through the mine field that we went through.

Avoid the mine field and you know what, everybody's going to have their own personal minefields. You know, it's just good to pass on some tips of wisdom that we've gained over those decades.

🔷  And like our daughters say, oh, life lessons, long live lesson lessons. I really wish somebody would have given me these life lessons. But instead we learned the hard way.  We could have used a few of those life lessons back in our twenties when we were first starting out. Yeah. That would have helped out this young couple. That's for sure.

You have to be able to receive the message too.  So we're only speaking to people right now, like you like the listeners that are receiving this message, that are teachable and motivated.

🔷  Yeah. So hopefully you're open to receive the message.
All  right, So here we go ...

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Speaker 0 (0s): Coming up on this episode of the MD and chef team show, 

Speaker 1 (9s): Blah, blah. You know, and then you're using the tongue to pull people down. And one more thing you don't want to do is roll your eyes or sigh. When the other person is saying something you don't really like, and you can't see us rolling. Our eyes were rolling our eyes. Yeah. Those things. Cause all of those types of emotional responses tell them, well, this isn't important to me, you know? Yeah. Go away. 

Speaker 0 (37s): Welcome to the show from DMDs team. I'm Dr. Isabel medical doctor here at the MD and chef team. And who are you? 

Speaker 2 (46s): Chef? Michael Coleman nutrition expert. I'm the chef Barb. 

Speaker 0 (50s): And what are we going to talk about bed now? I can see that cause he's my husband. 

Speaker 2 (56s): We'll be talking about marriage relationships, parenting intimacy. Talk about mindsets that success overcoming depression, anxiety. I'll be getting into functional nutrition, recipes and tips from the kitchen. And we're going to both get into how to live a long, healthy, vibrant life. Yes. 

Speaker 0 (1m 14s): I love it. Our mission is to help you prevent and reverse disease and give you both in the process. Oh yeah. 

Speaker 1 (1m 31s): Well hello and welcome to this episode of the MD and shift team show. Hi, I'm Dr. Isabel and I'm chef Michael Connie, our nutrition expert here at doctor on a mission. What's going on out there, everyone today. I hope you're having a super fantastic day and enjoying this glorious glorious week. How are you doing today? My love I'm doing great, sweetheart. How are you doing excellent. Well you're here makes me feel excellent. 

Fills my heart. It's so cool that we get to work together and be married together and do life together and climb and climb big mountains together and go to the beach together and eat together. We get to do there's a couple other things that will keep this a G-rated that we won't mention. And that's why we're going to go ahead and talk about a successful marriage slash relationship tool. How we've been able to stay together happily. 

Yes, for 41 years we've been together and you know, sometimes, you know, you go, whoa, what, how did we get here now? Cause it has gone pretty quickly. So today on the MD and chef team podcast asked me to talk about how to have a successful long-term marriage relationship, whatever word you want to insert in there. And just some tips from us being together for 41 years 

Speaker 3 (2m 60s): And through all the ups and downs and fun and laughs and cries and all that great stuff that come along the way. How did we possibly do it? 

Speaker 1 (3m 9s): We've gone ahead and put it all together in a 20 to 30 minute pot Or short to shorten your learning curve. Okay. So you don't have to walk through the mind field that we went through. 

Speaker 3 (3m 26s): Yes. Avoid the mind field and you know what, everybody's going to have their own personal minefields. You know, it's just good to pass on some tips of wisdom that we've gained over those decades of. 

Speaker 1 (3m 39s): And like our daughters say, oh, life lessons, long live lesson lessons. I really wish somebody would have given me these life lessons. But instead we learned 

Speaker 3 (3m 51s): The hard way I could have used a few of those life lessons back in my twenties when we were first starting out. Yeah. That would have helped out this young man. That's for sure. But 

Speaker 1 (3m 59s): You know where we teach them all at that point. Yeah. I don't 

Speaker 3 (4m 2s): Know. 

Speaker 1 (4m 4s): I mean, you have to be able to receive the message too. So we're only speaking to people right now. Like you like the listeners you that are receiving this message. Cause you're teachable and motivated. 

Speaker 3 (4m 16s): Yeah. So hopefully you're open to receive the message. Yeah. All right. So what do you got? 

Speaker 1 (4m 21s): Well, I've got a little story here and that's by Dr. Joyce brothers who wants joked. My husband and I have never considered divorce, sometimes murder, but never divorce. Now, babe, I've never thought about murder, but I can relate. It was definitely not murder, but I was such a yeller. You know, I come from a family of yelling, not my mom, but my father. So I was learned how to yell. And in the past I used to yell as my form of communication, not murder, but yeah. 

And however, now I have read a lot of books and have learned not to yell, but just discuss. 

Speaker 3 (5m 5s): And I know when we're using the word murder. Yes. That's a very, very harsh term in a way a joke if I can say well, but it's, it's, you know, that yelling and screaming and harshness is, is in a way it's a murder of the tongue because what we're doing is we're taking the tongue, our words to hurt people. And you know, so, you know, it might not be what you would normally say it's murder, but it is a way we hurt people with the, with the tongue. 

Speaker 1 (5m 37s): That's right. That's right. The tongue can lift or the tongue can tear down. We hear that in the good book, the book of wisdom, 

Speaker 3 (5m 47s): Book of wisdom. Yes. And I was the opposite of Isabel. I mean, I grew up in a very loving family. However, through my childhood and early adolescent, I handled crucial conversations, situations that needed to be addressed. I handled them by hiding and disappearing. And so imagine the one person hollering and screaming and the other one hiding and disappearing 

Speaker 1 (6m 21s): Very annoying to me. I'd be like, get back here. There wasn't boy. 

Speaker 3 (6m 26s): It was annoying to me for the hollering and screaming. Yeah. So we had our personal personal issues to overcome. And I guess what was we get into this? I don't understand our personal issues led to the relationship issues. So there's personal work that needs to be done so we can work on the relationship 

Speaker 1 (6m 47s): And you've read a lot of books too. We keep on reading just so you know, we're continuing to learn until our last breath here on earth. Okay. I mean, life is a constant learning experience and if you stop learning, well then guess what? Life's going to be hard and stagnant. And just, it's just, I feel like if I don't continue to learn, I'm dead. 

Speaker 3 (7m 10s): Yeah. Well, I mean, if you could see me right now, you would see that I have my hand in the air basically going well, I pretty much muck up every day. Some are very, very minor and you'd say, oh, well, that's not really messing up well, but I know what my best is. And I only compare myself to being my best. And so, yeah. I mean, Sundays when I mess up, they're, they're very minor and it might not be anything, but to me it matters and I go, okay, wait, I can do better than that. 

And that's how I continue on for the rest of my life to work towards being my best. 

Speaker 1 (7m 48s): Yeah. I agree. I agree, sweetie. What do you got for us? So I just, it's just something that like, I believe that getting married is easy. It's just an ideal. It's the living together. That's tricky. 

Speaker 3 (8m 3s): The actual relationship part, like the 

Speaker 1 (8m 5s): Work and how do you have a successful marriage? Well, it need to identify what issues must be dealt with and learn to live peacefully with the rest like that book. I don't know. I'm sure some of you have read that book called don't sweat, the small stuff, just learn what's important. And then actually don't sweat the other stuff. It's just very small. And when you're on your deathbed, you won't, you know, you're not going to say, oh, I should have fought that fight. You know, I should have fought that argument better, but now it's live your life as peacefully as possible. 

And just have those crucial conversations because you and I just don't bother with some of this stuff, you know, where you can't for instance, 

Speaker 3 (8m 49s): Oh, here we go. 

Speaker 1 (8m 55s): Making micro coffee in the morning. I mean, that's just such a pleasure. And, and so the way 

Speaker 3 (8m 60s): I make coffee, happy to accept. Yes you are. 

Speaker 1 (9m 3s): And the way I make coffee for Michael is I know that he likes coconut coconut milk that we make. And he also likes MCT oil. So what I do is I open up the refrigerator and I get the coconut milk and I get the MCT oil. So I've got two hands and I leave the refrigerator door open and I go ahead and do what I need to do with the coconut milk and the MC two. And then I go back and put it back in and close the refrigerator. Now I know in the past, Michael would be like close on my refrigerator door. 

You're wasting energy, but now you just don't even waste energy. 

Speaker 3 (9m 41s): I just pop right past it and flick the door closed on my own. Like, yeah. Okay. Now I'm not going to sweat this one. It's like, cause we all set have these little quirks that they are the little habits that we have that for us, it's like, yeah, whatever. But for the other person, that's kind of like, oh, come on. You know, so yes, if they're huge and they're hurting somebody, but if they're little ones we basically learned to cover each other, we just cover each other. 

So yeah. It's like, okay, Isabelle has a habit of, yep. I'm getting things out of the refrigerator. And then I'm over on the other part of the kitchen working on stuff for a minute, two minutes, however 

Speaker 1 (10m 24s): Long. Well then the refrigerator door 

Speaker 3 (10m 26s): Is open. Yeah. And then of course the refrigerator's got one of these little things that goes, beep beep beep beep beep, Hey, Somebody just ignores it. And I hear it. And I, so I just go over and close the refrigerator door and you know, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. Let's just get on with it. And I do 

Speaker 1 (10m 43s): Appreciate that 

Speaker 3 (10m 44s): And yeah. So anyway, we cover each other stuff like that. 

Speaker 1 (10m 48s): Yeah. So let's talk about, we've got seven tools we want to share with the small don't sweat, the small stuff. Okay. All right. So two, so one, once the issue has been identified, how do you deal with that issue? Okay. We're focusing on, okay. This is what we've got to deal with. How do we do it? Okay. So tip number one, attack the problem, not the person, for instance, in the past, I would feel like Michael would overspend and you know, I would chime along to it. 

Don't think I'm innocent, but we would overspend. 

Speaker 3 (11m 26s): Would you clarify that? 

Speaker 1 (11m 29s): And, and when the credit card bill would come, of course I would blame Michael and say, look, we can't pay this in full. And this is what I would say when I say now. And I recommend you to say so that you're attacking the problem and not the person. You'd say something like, look, the bill has come it's too much. And instead of saying, Michael, you're spending too much say this scares me. I feel like we're going to be caught out and we're going to end up paying more in interest. 

And that really scares me for our financial future. I don't want us to be slaves to credit cards instead, instead of you overspending on the credit card and you are going to make us go into bankruptcy, you know, learn to focus on the problem and how that problem makes you feel instead of pointing the finger at the other person saying, yeah, you're, you're going to make us go into bankruptcy. You're going to make us overspend. You're making us go into slavery, you know, over the credit card bills. Right? 

Speaker 3 (12m 34s): Yeah. Find a better way of communicating what you're trying to achieve. Right. Without the personal attack on the person. Yeah. Because it's, it's a problem, but it can be overcome. But if it's a personal attack, Hey, listen, we're all human beings. Most of us, unless you've done some massive, massive, massive personal work on yourself. And even then it never ends. And this is when we hadn't been doing that type of work before, it's you take it defensively. 

And if you don't receive it and it's defensive and then what are you do your initial lash back out again. And then nobody achieves anything. It goes absolutely nowhere. So it's the, it, it's the art of a crucial conversation of understanding. How do I communicate this so that we actually talk about the problem and not the person. Right. And that's a great point that you brought up. 

Speaker 1 (13m 33s): Thank you. And that leads into the second tool is identify your personal issue and work on them. You know, like my personal issue is I, I, I used to have a fear of being leading into poverty. That's just a big, big fear of mine in the past. And so I had to learn how to take charge of that thought and change the channel in my brain. And, and I didn't try to change you. 

I realized I had to change myself so that the tool is identified your personal issue and work on that, you know, so that you can deal successfully in the relationship. And that was a big, hard one for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the third tool is, keep your voice calm and love. I'll repeat that again. Keep your voice calm and low and guess what your spouse will actually do. 

They'll actually pay attention or the other person will actually pay attention. For instance, when I would yell at Michael all communication systems would be shut down. You just wouldn't listen. You would just go forget it. I'm not listening and walk away. And I thought the louder I would get the more Michael would pay attention, but that was not the case. I felt like if I was louder, that would prove to him that I meant business. 

And he would just say, yes, babe. Yes, babe. Or he would just shut up and that just doesn't work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, we've come a long way having 

Speaker 3 (15m 21s): And have crucial conversations of having that without getting into a shouting match. And that's, that can be very difficult for us human beings, because I had seen this so much in the world and seen this so much with people interacting that, you know, once someone decides to talk over the top of somebody else, which, you know the saying talk over the top of somebody, then the other one tries to go back over the top of that. And it goes up a notch up a notch, up a notch, up a notch until now we've just got an implosion or an explosion. 

And that's the end of it. It's gone. Nowhere. How many times have you heard people say, well, we forgot what we were even arguing about. And these types of things is how that happens is you start something and it just goes up and up and up and up and up until there's a explosion. And then you're just like, everybody's angry and you've totally have gotten absolutely nowhere because you forgot about, well, actually we were trying to talk about here. Right? All kinds of stuff. 

And explicative started firing around all over the place. 

Speaker 1 (16m 30s): Yeah. Expletive, expletive, expletive, expletive, say that. 

Speaker 3 (16m 38s): So yes. Doing your best to, I mean, it doesn't mean that you have to go wait down with your talk, 

Speaker 1 (16m 50s): Then you'll put me to sleep 

Speaker 3 (16m 52s): Well, that could work. But it's just keeping that, you know, understanding that it can be a monotone or just slightly above a monotone having emotion, but leaving it to a point where the other person can listen. Cause that's the key. You want them to actually be listening. And if you're, you got too much behind it and it becomes scary, then they're not listening. And then that defensive mode kicks in and then they're going to take it to the next level. So it's finding that balance where, you know, you can have some emotion behind it that it's important that they understand it's important, but yet not getting out of your, you know, your range of fire where you're just, 

Speaker 1 (17m 35s): And now I've successfully done that. Haven't I think 

Speaker 3 (17m 40s): I've done the work and I've done the work. So I listen and not turn off. 

Speaker 1 (17m 45s): Yeah. And I usually, you really, you pretty much know when I mean business, when I go, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something because there's something going on. This is how I feel, you know, and just saying how I feel about the situation. You're like, oh, okay. I got my 

Speaker 3 (18m 3s): Ears, my 

Speaker 1 (18m 4s): Ears on, yeah. I got my ears on my mouth. Quiet and I'm watching you. 

Speaker 3 (18m 8s): And for me, it's just not being scared to have my ears on and you know, where I'm just going to hide away and go, oh, I don't want to deal with anything. I don't want to deal with anything. I don't want to deal with anything. I'm not listening. I'm going to hide away or just nod my head, like yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. 

Speaker 1 (18m 23s): That would drive me in crazy, 

Speaker 3 (18m 26s): Whatever you want. Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want. That's not handling the situation. You know, we guys are famous for doing this just like yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, sure. No, that's not actually listening and handling the situation. That's just basically saying yeah. Okay. I'm going to shut you up. Okay. Just be quiet. And I'll just say yeah, sure. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Whatever you want. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You're not, yeah. You're not listening. 

You're just saying just be quiet and go away is what you're saying. 

Speaker 1 (18m 60s): Right. And when the other person is talking in a quiet, calm voice, make sure we're not multitasking. I think that's really cool. I haven't written that down as a tool, but that's also involved in that is, you know, pay attention, focus on them. Don't don't be on your phone or on the computer or doing other things, put your phone down. And this is like when the kids are talking to you or when anybody is ever talking. 

Speaker 3 (19m 28s): Yeah. Pay attention to the people. Don't be, you know, on your even when and when you're listening, you know, if you're listening, dumpy on your phone, doing stuff and the person's talking to you and you're like, oh yeah, I'm listening. No, no, you're not. We're not designed. You know, you might think, oh, I'm really good. I can do all this at one time. No, actually human mind is not designed to be able to do. And you know, we have one task and that's what we're designed to do and pay attention to if we're truly listening and wanting to pay attention to it. 

Speaker 1 (20m 0s): Yeah. I'm listening. I'm listening Very well. And then tool number four, I've 

Speaker 3 (20m 6s): Got, they're listening to, are you listening? 

Speaker 1 (20m 11s): Tool number four is timing. This is something I had to learn too, but I've gotten better. So pick the best time to talk about the issue. Not when you're both tired and hungry, don't ever do it when you're tired and hungry. Cause it won't come out. Right? 

Speaker 3 (20m 28s): Yeah. Timing. Yeah. And timing is also when for you personally, if you have something you want to talk about, that's important to you make sure that you are in the correct state to talk about it. Don't talk about it in a point where you are such an emotional high on this, that is just kind of come blurbing out and attacking and all that and be at a point where you know, this is okay, I'm in a good emotional state right now to be able to talk about this because I can. 

So if something's going on and you need to step away, then you step away 

Speaker 0 (21m 6s): Calling all women. Are you feeling depressed? Lack of energy, anxious. Your thinking is foggy, poor sleep, or maybe even hopeless. You know, there is a better you to present to this world. Hey, it's me, Dr. Isabel. And wow. If any of this sounds like you, hi, get you. I have been in this place and I've overcome those negative feelings. That's why I've created the free and private Facebook group called the bossy brain solution. 

Yeah. Would you like weekly coaching to help you become your best self come and see for yourself and be empowered by the other women who want to shine their best light in this world? The link is in the podcast description, or you could search for the bossy brain solution in Facebook groups, it's private and free. So come and join us today and know that there is hope. 

And I encourage you to remain on stoppable and now back to the podcast 

Speaker 3 (22m 24s): And have that conversation at the right time. And so timing's very important for when you're having these conversations, making sure that everybody's okay to have this conversation right now. 

Speaker 0 (22m 35s): If you don't want to have the conversation when your husband or your partner is watching a favorite football game, like rugby or golfer, don't go, Hey, I got to talk to you about something that's really important. I mean, if it can wait, it can wait. Yeah. And if, if the other part, the other party is watching a really good movie, you know, check flag. Maybe you can wait a little bit. 

Speaker 3 (22m 59s): Yeah. Well, I mean, obviously that's life and death threatening. Yes. But you know, if it's something you can just wait until there's a, timing's a little bit better. I mean, it's the same thing with, you know, when we're talking, we're talking marriage, we're talking relationships. I mean relationships with children, you know, your kids. If you've got something to talk to them about, you know, you don't talk to them about it when they're a group of other friends, you don't talk to them about it when they're in the middle of some other things going on, you got to find that right space. That right time. That's so important. And the best 

Speaker 0 (23m 29s): Time for the kids is when they're in the car and 

Speaker 3 (23m 32s): They can't go anywhere 

Speaker 0 (23m 34s): When they're in the car and you've locked the door. So 

Speaker 3 (23m 38s): Yeah, I know you're traveling basically moving. So I, you know, they not going to jump out and go no headphones out of your ears and we're having a conversation. I remember this was one of my favorites. We got a little road trip there. You bet. If it's 20 minutes, we're talking about your word doc. And, 

Speaker 1 (24m 6s): And then tool number five is listen, when it's your time to listen, listen. Yes. That when it's your time, I just punched him on the gut. When it's your time to listen, practice active listening through. And here's some ideas on how to practice active listening is paraphrasing validation and positive feedback to help your spouse or the other person know that you heard them. So, you know, paraphrasing saying, oh, okay. 

So do you mean dot, dot, dot, and validation? Like, oh yeah, I totally see what you're saying. Yeah. That makes perfectly good sense because then that helps the other person want to share more information and then positive feedback. What I mean by that is say, you know, that is a great point. I really appreciate you sharing that with me. And, and I'll take that away, you know, positive. Like instead of saying that is just a load of rubbish and blah, blah, you know, and then you're using the tongue to pull people down. 

And one more thing you don't want to do is roll your eyes or sigh. When the other person is saying something you don't really like, 

Speaker 3 (25m 21s): And you can't see us rolling our eyes, rolling our eyes. Yeah. Those things. Cause all of those types of emotional responses tell them, well, this isn't important to me, you know? Yeah. Go away. And that's what we don't want. And, and with listening and I love what you said about positive influence, positive feedback is also because sometimes, especially for us guys and I'll come from the male point of view on this one, as you hear, you know, the Y your, your female relationship partner, whatever, that may be my savy something. 

And you're just like, huh, what are you telling me? You know, you don't have a, Calu where this is coming from because we are wired differently. So I know for us guys, a lot of times we're just like, oh my gosh, what, what, what are you talking about? I had no, oh man. I had no, you know, so I've also had to learn to say, if something catches me off guard that I have no idea quite what you're talking about, where it's come from, or what's going on. I will have to say something like, oh, wow. 

That's okay. I hear you. I need to take this away and just let this sink in because you know, I hadn't thought about that, but that's a great, let me take that away and think about that and just know that I've heard what you said. And I, I respect that and I validate that. Yeah. Because it doesn't always right away, like, huh? What? So that's the worst thing is like, what, what are you talking about? You're crazy woman at an 11 

Speaker 1 (27m 1s): Is that, that might be what you want to say, but don't say that, tell him 

Speaker 3 (27m 6s): So some positive feedback in a way to let them know, okay, I've heard you, my brain just got scrambled or I, what you said, but let me take this away and see if I can make a very nice three egg omelet out of it. 

Speaker 1 (27m 21s): Something that Michael does really good that might help others out there is. I know that when Michael is listening to me, because he'll be in the middle of something, you know, on his phone or reading a book and I'll go, babe, I need to talk to you. And so he'll put the book down or I'll put the phone down and he'll look straight at me and he'll crosses, you know, his he'll hold both his hands together. And I know that when he's in that position, he's hearing me. 

And that just makes me feel like, okay, I got the timing, right. 

Speaker 3 (27m 57s): Position. 

Speaker 1 (27m 58s): That is your listening position. 

Speaker 3 (28m 0s): Well, it's just paying attention. Yeah, it is. 

Speaker 1 (28m 2s): It's good. Anything else on listening that you wanted to add? Okay. And then the sixth one is be kind with your words. The good book says, don't let any unwholesome talk, come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up. Ah, that is so important. Inspiration is breathing air into somebody's life. Make sure that you're an inspiration. You're you're saying positive things, things that lift them up that encourage them. 

We don't need anybody to be speaking, unwholesome talk or tearing people down with the strongest muscle in your body, your tongue, because that muscle can tear people down. And oh my gosh, they won't forget it. You know, the thing is what you say gets landed in their brain. And it'll take a long time to wash that out of their brains. So just be safe, be careful with what you're saying. 

Speaker 3 (29m 6s): Yeah. I mean, when you get into a discussion, you could say our argument, but I like to use the word discussion. If you say some things that are very hurtful, that is difficult to take back and listen, it's not like we haven't done it. We've done it. And you know, you feel, you feel really yucky afterwards. You feel like, oh man, that was harmful. That wasn't nice. And you got to go back and you got to apologize and that, but that, you know, those, those are hard to take, you know, to take back. 

I mean, you can't take them back. They're already out there. Right. So just understand what comes out and what's been received is already out there. So you can't quite reach out and pull them back. Even though you want to, you're thinking, oh man, if I could reach out and pull that back up, but you can't. So you do your best and not let those types of things. God not let those personal hurtful, harmful words come out. And if they do, of course, apologize as quick as you can, because you need to, that's, that's a very healthy way of moving forward. 

Speaker 1 (30m 17s): I think I did that last week. Didn't I, I said something and I was like, ah, I cannot believe I said that. I don't even remember what it was, but I had to apologize 

Speaker 3 (30m 27s): Anything too, too much. 

Speaker 1 (30m 30s): It was something. And we were joking about it for three days. Well, I was joking about it for three days. What it was I kept saying, oh, and you're like, oh really again. So funny. And you're like, not really. 

Speaker 3 (30m 49s): Yeah. Well, we were able to make fun of it that the next 24 hours to that a couple of days where it was like, okay, it's not funny. You're dragging me back into it. So it's okay. We can move past it. 

Speaker 1 (31m 3s): Yeah. And we did because I haven't done it for at least seven days. I don't even remember. It doesn't matter. It wasn't that, but it might come back before the end of this podcast. Okay. So let's come back. All right. I heard that and I, I hear that. Thank you. And I just won't even think about it anymore. Boom. All right. Number seven. And this is the last one is the big tool is res P C T R E S P C T. 

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect. 

Speaker 3 (31m 41s): I let you run with that one. I was going to chime in, but Hey, I'll let you go. 

Speaker 1 (31m 45s): So by that we mean, you know, keep it behind closed doors. You don't have to air out your dirty laundry and social in a social setting. And Michael has got a great example playing golf, 

Speaker 3 (31m 60s): Not me though. No, but being around it. And this is one thing in, I'm not saying this like, oh, look at me. I'm gray. Cause I can tell you I'm messed up all these other ones. But I remember from the very beginning, I'm not sure where I must've been, what my parents taught me or something that I realized. The number one tool for a successful relationship was respect. And this is across anything. This is for your children. This is for a friend, any human being you're talking to. 

But especially when the person that's, you're in love with that's the closest to you is just the respect from the fact that you don't bash them behind their backs. You shouldn't be doing this to any human being out there. You're not in another setting. And your airing out your dirty laundry, as the saying goes, you're not saying, oh, well my old lady this or my old man that, or my kids this, or, oh my friend, John, he's such a right. 

My husband's useless, all this kind of stuff. I mean, I play golf. And then, and I remember way back in the early days of, you know, just being in these social settings and guys have just be ripping on their wives and saying ugly, thanks. And, and you know, you, it almost be kind of like my turn and you know, and I would just be like, well, yeah, okay. Well, I mean, I don't feel that way. My wife and I have an amazing relationship and you know, we love each other dearly and that would be the end of it. 

He got kicked out of 

Speaker 1 (33m 34s): The 

Speaker 3 (33m 34s): <inaudible> now, but not really. It would just move on to something else or they would go off on their own thing. And then I also, you know, I would also hear it in social settings where, you know, people would just, even when the, when the, the spouse or the partner or the relationship person was right next to somebody they'd rip on him and then they'd laugh and that, but you could just tell it hurt. It hurt, you know? And it's like, wow, you know, why would you do that? 

And so I just somehow figured out early on that, no, no, you respect somebody and you should respect that to any human being is if you've got a problem with somebody and talk to them, don't talk to that, your buddy down the road, or your, your female friend over a glass of wine and say, my husband has such a journey around that. Well, then talk it out with him or my friend or my this or that, you know, or my coworker. I, you know, they might want to 

Speaker 1 (34m 35s): Change, you know, but they don't 

Speaker 3 (34m 37s): Know. Yeah. And it's just, it's just respect it, the respect of human beings. And honestly, I think that's been a road in society over the last few decades that we just kind of think, ah, we can say whatever. And I, I honestly do believe a little bit of that social media because people can hide behind things anonymously and bash people and you know, not have any repercussions except some conversation, which you know, so man, the relationship respect, respect, respect is so important. 

If you got something, talk it out, work it out together. And if you do want to get counseling on it, then take it to people, counseling it together. But don't take your counsel to your neighbor and say my wife, ah, and then he's like, ah, and then it's just a bunch of junk. 

Speaker 1 (35m 29s): For example, I like, I work in the medical setting and oh my gosh, I I'm blown away at how other people talk about other people behind their back. And then they'll, they'll expect me to chime in and I'll go, ah, ah, ah, I step away from this buffet and it's gotten to the point where they don't even say anything to me anymore, which I'm so grateful because I don't want to hear negative things about other people, you know, but they know that I will not chime in because I'm respectful of that. 

Like gossiping and backstabbing and de edifying, others is just not good for the world. We don't need that. We need to help and love and just be there for people. 

Speaker 3 (36m 12s): And I think in a Hey relationship, whether it's marriage partner, spousal relationship type work, but even I'm just, you know, in this realm right now is if the other person just even has a sniff that you are bashing them behind their back. Well, they're going to end up doing it too. I mean, they might not want to, but the door's been open now for both of you to do at each other. And I can tell you, I have seen so many relationships where both of them are bashing the other one in social settings and you just look and you go, why are you guys even together? 

I mean, you're just treating each other like junk, you know? So anyway, respect, respect, respect is I, to me is number one tool. 

Speaker 1 (37m 1s): So let's stay together for another 50 plus years. Let's see. That means we would be together until we're 110 I'm down with that. Yeah, me too. I'm up with that. Well, 

Speaker 3 (37m 16s): I know, I know. 

Speaker 1 (37m 17s): I know, but I'm just changing the wording. Well, is that a right? That's a wrap. That's a wrap. 

Speaker 3 (37m 25s): Hey, this has been the MD and chef team here with you today. And if you want to find more about where you can find us, well, you know, here on the podcast, of course you found us please like share comment. Let us know what you think about this. Share with others. If you think there's some great value with us, you can always find us at Dr. On That's doc T O R on a forward doctor on on there are some great resources and tools and lots of good freebies. 

I can help you out that will serve you well in lots of areas of your life. You can walk well, there's heaps of goodies on there. You can take advantage of for us today. Yeah, that's a wrap. All right, great. Having you here today, hopefully that's been able to make a difference to newer life uncertainty 

Speaker 1 (38m 19s): You for joining us, remain on stuff, football. 

Speaker 3 (38m 27s): Hello, chef Michael here. If you enjoy today's episode, we would love it. If you subscribe to the podcast and left us a review.